Feeling blessed.

For a while I have thought about posting this but either I haven't got around to it or didn't really know what to say or just wanted to keep such a special memory to myself but I have recently had this urge to post something about this picture.

 

 

A diaper? I know it's so odd but I will keep this picture forever.

I had just bathed Kellin, he loves his bath, he just will lay there and sometimes even fall asleep because he is so calm and content. Well I had just gotten done and was wrapping him up in his cute little hooded towel and when I turned around and his diaper was on the ground. I just stood there for a while and looked it then started crying. I was so happy. So I took a picture. A while later cody saw this picture and said why in the world do you have a picture of kellins dirty diaper? It's something so silly but I Never thought that I would ever get to see a diaper on my floor from MY baby and now I have this amazing happy boy who I get to cuddle with every single day. I was so overwhelmed by just happiness and thankfulness that I was chosen to be a mom.

 

If you have read my posts before, finding out that I was 4 months pregnant with Kellin was a complete shock. I was told by numerous doctors that I would even be able to get pregnant. They couldn't really give me a good reason why but just that it was nearly impossible. I always put up a front to people saying that it was ok if I never had kids.. I wanted to travel and work and whatever. When deep down every time I heard about people having kids or those who were having kids who didn't "want" kids then it made me so sad inside. I knew that I wanted my own kids but ever since I heard those doctors tell me I couldn't I had my heart set on adopting. When we decided to move to the Philippines I was actually the most excited because I thought being out here would help my chances in adopting a child. I did a lot of research and I told cody that us moving to the Philippines also meant trying to adopt a little Filipino:) Of course that changed a little when I found out I was pregnant. Anyways this whole post is about a couple things. Do I know if I will be able to have more kids? Personally I do. I don't see why not but will I be disappointed if kellin is my only child? Of course not! I have been asked if I would be sad or mad and I have really thought about that and I really would not. I am soaking in every second that I have with my little boy and not taking a single day for granted. I cant wait for him to call me mom and to cry when he doesn't want me to leave the room. I cant wait for him to sit and watch football with his dad and be a daddy's boy. When I saw that diaper on the ground I felt like the luckiest person in the world. When he wakes up in the morning and I walk into his room and he is just laying there in his crib, his eyes spot me and he smiles so big I feel so blessed that he is mine. I hope I can be a good example and loving mom to him so he will always know that he is loved. Also if you are struggling with having kids, or you have been told that its not in the cards for you to have babies don't loose faith. I did. That's one of my biggest regrets was I listened and I honestly thought I would never be able to hold my own baby on my chest right after they are born. Maybe the doctors are right and I wasn't supposed to have kellin but maybe they were completely wrong and I wont have any problems in the future. That is something we will have to wait and see. Until then I will love this little boy with all my heart, I will love every cry at 2 in the morning, every time he needs me and I will love every single diaper left on my floor.